When we’re young we often feel invincible. We do wild and crazy things; never have hangovers; can function on little or no sleep and somehow manage to look good through all of it. Over the last two weeks I’ve watched as many of my friends lose their lives. The truth is we want to stay young forever; but we don’t. Every decision we make has repercussions that are felt now or later. There are certain lifestyles that aren’t safe to live anymore.

Jake and Misty were old classmates of mine that have left us over the last couple of weeks. I’m not sure what happened to Jake but Misty committed suicide. Both losses really blindsided me. My high school classmates were almost all still alive. I guess that made it easy to still feel young. Although I hadn’t see Jake since high school I had spent a fair amount of time with Misty since I left the Air Force – although not recently. It really reminds me how fragile life can be: Here one second gone the next.

If you’ve read anything of mine in the past you know I have battled for years with alcoholism and depression. My on again off again problems with drinking never scared me that badly because I always considered myself young and invincible. But as the last two weeks have shown me; I am not. It’s almost as if the Universe is warning me. Well, I am listening.

“Death is not the end of who we are. It is only a brief pause in the endless cycle of our lives. Each of us is a spirit that cannot die.”

I hate that I had to lose two friends to wake up and really see what’s going on around me and what I have been doing to myself; but sometimes it takes a swift kick in the ass. And that’s what I got. It’s so eerie and uncomfortable that as I was writing a blog Thursday about nearly committing suicide a friend of mine was doing that exact thing. I’m not great at reading between the lines – and thankfully this time I don’t have to. It’s time to start living right.

I’m thankful for the lesson I’ve learned from these tragedies, but I sure wish I could have learned them some other way. There are so many left behind; sons, daughters, parents, brothers and sisters. I wish I could have done something to help before it was too late. Now they’re just memories. To say they will be missed by many is an understatement.

As a Buddhist I hope your journey is a safe one; that your Karma from this life helps you get closer to enlightenment and that we meet again in the future.

18 months ago I came within seconds of taking my own life. I had lost my job, my family, my freedoms; I was at rock bottom. I remember feeling like I had nothing. That sense of emptiness was so scary. I wasn’t even mad – Just alone. But a random phone call from an old friend came at the exact right moment in time. I remember the taste of the cold barrel in my mouth and hearing the ringing of the phone. I can’t believe how close I came to leaving this World.

So today, on this Thanksgiving I have so much to be thankful for. I’m blessed with the best children a father could hope for; two wonderful kids who love me despite my flaws, who look up to me and love me unconditionally. I have two fantastic ex-wives who I remain friends with to this day. I cherish not only the times we use to have together, but the ones we have now as well. I have the most supportive family imaginable. My parents and brothers have watched me trip, stumble and fall and have always been there standing beside me when I need them.

I am also so thankful to you – all my friends old and new who follow me on Twitter, Facebook, this blog and the like. Social Networking has allowed me to chronicle my life – the ups and downs, good times and bad – and I am so thankful that you are there to tag along for the journey; sometimes offering advice or putting a foot in my ass if I need it. I appreciate you putting up with my crazy antics and listening to my wild stories. I can’t imagine what my life would be like without all of you in it.

Most of all I am thankful for my life – for the chance to sit and watch a sunset, or see the twinkle in my son’s eye on a Christmas morning; the ability to get in my truck, put the windows down and feel the wind against my face and know I am alive. I’m thankful for each breath I am blessed to take in this World because late on a Friday night 18 months ago I was a split second away from giving this life up.

Cornell business school employees Jon and Lisa thought they were safe. But in one quick click the truth of their affair was revealed. That quick press of the mouse sent all of a steamy and sexual message to every email address on the Cornell University campus. What was meant to be a private “pillow talk” suddenly became a trending topic on Twitter and the web.

It really got me thinking about how communication has changed and how we should change with it. Technology and the advent of email and instant messaging have allowed us to say things and do things we wouldn’t normally consider doing. I’m sure these lovers felt safe emailing their dirty talk back and forth. But were they? Even without accidentally mailing their exchange out how safe was their communication? I guarantee it’s sitting on a server somewhere, now ripe for the plucking by a couple of divorce lawyers.

I’m not casting blame. I’ve made my fair share of bad decisions and being involved with a married woman was one of them. We too were “busted” via online technology. It’s not right, but it happens. Live and learn. Hell, I remember when I was in the military several accidental email communiqués landing in the wrong hands. One of which I thought might end my military career.

I was the editor of a military newspaper and as such, had free and unfettered access to the ‘Net and the email system. My inbox was consistently flooded by things very similar to what I still get today; funny emails, junk, etc. One email really cracked me up though. You clicked on the program and it turned your entire screen flashing red and popped up a box that said “If you DON’T have a small penis, click here.” Well obviously I clicked. There actually was no other option. Suddenly the whole screen starts blinking in neon colors, playing classical music and flashing that “This Guy Has a Small Dick.” I opened this in my office surrounded by coworkers. I laughed it off and after getting over my initial shock everyone had a good time ribbing me about it.

Well I decided I should pass along this little gem of deception to my friends. My buddy Chris was the manager of the local military television stations so I allowed the email system to automatically fill in his address after I simply typed in his name. Mistake. I got a frantic call from some friends who told me there were TWO Chris Kelly’s and guess what? I had just sent the little dick hoax to a Four-Star Army General. Needless to say it was a long few days of waiting to lose my rank…which thankfully never happened. I’m sure that some kindly executive officer saw this and saved my ass. (And if you sir or ma’am ever read this, allow me to take you out for drinks.) To me this could have been just as dangerous and costly as what these two Cornell employees have done. With all this amazing technology comes amazing risk. The point is this; if you don’t want anyone to know, don’t talk about it or put it down to paper or keyboard.

I’ve had to think about this topic a lot as I write and share so much of my life with whoever decides to stop by this site and read about me. Everything online is being stored and saved; my kids can probably find this blog as adults someday and read everything I write. We should all keep that in mind whenever we communicate in today’s World. Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, Email, Instant Messaging and the like are all great services. But if we ever think we are being discreet while using them we should think again. I know Jon and Lisa will.