It’s taken me 31 years, 3 months, 25 days and a few hours to finally decide I’m ready. I’ve had all I can stand of the wild parties, keg beer from trash cans, immature relationships, living paycheck to paycheck, having a job and not a career and just general tomfoolery that accompanies not being an adult. I’m ready to take the plunge and trade in my rock t-shirts for button downs and my Doc Martin’s for loafers.

In all honestly I should have made the change a long time ago. It’s not like I didn’t pay a price for this lifestyle. In my wake are failed marriages, ruined friendships, money problems, and God only knows how many dead brain cells. I just don’t want to do it anymore. Something in me clicked and I don’t want to be that person any longer.

Maybe it was watching my father nearly lose his life to heart problems. That was a sobering reality check for me. It certainly made me realize that I wasn’t as invincible as I thought. That in any given moment I could be gone. And there are a lot of things and experiences – adult experiences – I still want to have.

Perhaps it’s from being a father myself. Nearly losing my own dad has made me want to be an even better father for my own two children. Not the person I was; not the man who ran their mother off and lost himself in gallon after gallon of alcohol and bottle after bottle of pills.

Maybe I’m just now getting past many of the issues that held me back; an inability to let go, a penchant for living in the past, a silver tongue and quick wits that allowed me to bullshit my way through life.

However it happened, all I see now is future. The slate has been wiped clean and the World is my oyster. The question is what do I want to do with it? I want to rebuild my life back. Have a family, a successful career; be the kind of man and father that my father was. If I can be half the man he is and positively impact half as many people, I will have done something amazing with my time here.

Cornell business school employees Jon and Lisa thought they were safe. But in one quick click the truth of their affair was revealed. That quick press of the mouse sent all of a steamy and sexual message to every email address on the Cornell University campus. What was meant to be a private “pillow talk” suddenly became a trending topic on Twitter and the web.

It really got me thinking about how communication has changed and how we should change with it. Technology and the advent of email and instant messaging have allowed us to say things and do things we wouldn’t normally consider doing. I’m sure these lovers felt safe emailing their dirty talk back and forth. But were they? Even without accidentally mailing their exchange out how safe was their communication? I guarantee it’s sitting on a server somewhere, now ripe for the plucking by a couple of divorce lawyers.

I’m not casting blame. I’ve made my fair share of bad decisions and being involved with a married woman was one of them. We too were “busted” via online technology. It’s not right, but it happens. Live and learn. Hell, I remember when I was in the military several accidental email communiqués landing in the wrong hands. One of which I thought might end my military career.

I was the editor of a military newspaper and as such, had free and unfettered access to the ‘Net and the email system. My inbox was consistently flooded by things very similar to what I still get today; funny emails, junk, etc. One email really cracked me up though. You clicked on the program and it turned your entire screen flashing red and popped up a box that said “If you DON’T have a small penis, click here.” Well obviously I clicked. There actually was no other option. Suddenly the whole screen starts blinking in neon colors, playing classical music and flashing that “This Guy Has a Small Dick.” I opened this in my office surrounded by coworkers. I laughed it off and after getting over my initial shock everyone had a good time ribbing me about it.

Well I decided I should pass along this little gem of deception to my friends. My buddy Chris was the manager of the local military television stations so I allowed the email system to automatically fill in his address after I simply typed in his name. Mistake. I got a frantic call from some friends who told me there were TWO Chris Kelly’s and guess what? I had just sent the little dick hoax to a Four-Star Army General. Needless to say it was a long few days of waiting to lose my rank…which thankfully never happened. I’m sure that some kindly executive officer saw this and saved my ass. (And if you sir or ma’am ever read this, allow me to take you out for drinks.) To me this could have been just as dangerous and costly as what these two Cornell employees have done. With all this amazing technology comes amazing risk. The point is this; if you don’t want anyone to know, don’t talk about it or put it down to paper or keyboard.

I’ve had to think about this topic a lot as I write and share so much of my life with whoever decides to stop by this site and read about me. Everything online is being stored and saved; my kids can probably find this blog as adults someday and read everything I write. We should all keep that in mind whenever we communicate in today’s World. Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, Email, Instant Messaging and the like are all great services. But if we ever think we are being discreet while using them we should think again. I know Jon and Lisa will.

I sit and daydream often. I dream of a time when I walked and didn’t crawl. I think back to a time when I was upright instead of down on all fours; back to a place where the wonder and mystery of life was overwhelming – a place and time when I held the world in my hands and there was no such thing as a wrong decision. Maybe it was ignorance, arrogance or just a lack of real world experience that made anything possible. I miss that. I miss the naiveté that I had even 10 years ago.

But now I know – after 30 years – that for everything I think I have lost, I have gained so much more in return. I realize now that for each mountain we climb – each trial and tribulation we survive – the rewards are both immense and amazing. The loss of one love simply gave me two more precious pieces of life. The loss of a friend only made me appreciate the friends I have still here with me that much more.

And that’s the benefit of being an adult – to see both sides of a story. To know that with every yin there is a yang; for every Barney there is a Andy. It’s the struggle for balance, making those tough choices, that define us as people and make our individual stories unique. It can be scary and daunting. But the longer I am here the more I realize that’s what being an adult is. Life is a long line of tug and war – sometimes we fall in the water and sometimes we stay dry. But as long as we get up and continue to tug, good things are ahead.

Keep pulling with me folks. There’s so much treasure not just at the end of this rainbow – but all along the way.

It's Russell's World, Party-Time, Excellent!

I had what most people might consider a non-traditional upbringing. Sure, I had two parents who loved me and provided as best they could (which was tough since they were schoolteachers), but I was an unusually tough case. An aspiring musician, I was playing in bars on The Strip all night by the age of 16 and trying to get myself to class in one piece and sober each Thursday and Friday morning. Crashing on couches, travelling the country, making money, meeting beautiful older college girls and lying about my age and playing guitar all night for hundreds and hundreds of people – it was a wild ride. But I needed a change. So I joined the military where strangely enough, I once again found myself trying to get up and to work each morning in one piece and sober.

Do the decisions we make when we are young, wild and carefree affect the rest of our lives?The age old question – Is it nature or nurture? Have I struggled with responsibility because I was a wild, rough around the edges 17-year-old? Or was I just born this way? I thought joining the armed forces would discipline me a little more. Honestly, it just honed my drinking and partying skills to the point I could have won competitions. I threw down so hard in Germany, and did so many things I regret still, that I was actually glad to get on that jet out of Europe. Of course, my next assignment in Panama City, Florida didn’t help calm me down much. I was in to that place like a hobo on a ham sandwich.

And here I am now, 10 years and two wives later – still struggling everyday to break those old chains that bind. I feel a bit like Hank Williams, Jr. – all my rowdy friends have settled down. But I’m still here – the Energizer bunny of good times. I look around and I AM the party these days. It’s as if there was a pack of wild mustangs running free and one by one they got wrangled up. Suddenly I look around and it’s just me running the range.

Maybe that’s a sign it’s time to change. Maybe I have officially gotten too old for this life. But I feel so young at heart still – so wild and carefree. And I am having the time of my life. It’s not my reality to think I’ll ever be that guy with the 9-5 job and a big house and nice car. Or the guy coaching little league baseball and hauling the kids around all evening. I guess you are who you are no matter how hard you try to change.

That’s not too say I haven’t calmed down some. If it’s illegal I don’t do it anymore. I’ve ingested and tried just about everything there is to try at least once. These days I leave that fun for the younger generation. Most people sit back and reminisce about their hay-day: being 17 and using fake ID’s, drinking with friends in the woods, hooking up with guys or girls they dug on, chiilin in pool halls, drinking nickel beers in the bars after class or hanging out in the dorms with buddies. I still stay up all night and play music in bars. I still break hearts and take names. Right or wrong I am still living that life. And probably will be until they day I die.